I Love You
by Mini-Em
Summary: Finn explores how he really feels after what Rachel did. Set after 2x09 Special Education.I do not own anything. One Shot


**Okay, so I have written a few things now that I've been on... hiatus...Yeah, let's go with that. This is one of my Glee fics that I've written :) I hope you like it. **

**I don't own anything! =)**

**Set after 2x09 Special Education. Technically also after 2x10 A Very Glee Christmas.**

**Feel free to drop a comment/review but please remember my Golden Rule when it comes to posting comments; If you don't want to hear it on your story, don't put it on mine :) Happy commenting! **

Finn was at home. He was sitting in his room, in his bed, staring out the window. Not at anything particular, just staring in general. It was the Saturday before their last week preceding the Christmas holidays and he was all alone.

He hated Rachel. No, he didn't. It was true. He could never hate her. He loved her too much for that. No, he hated what she had done to him. Making out with Puck. How could she have done that? He had to break up with her. He just had to. He still couldn't wrap his head around what she had done. However, he now missed her terribly, and with Christmas approaching and everything, it only added to the stress of not having her around.

Finn's mother had noticed that something was wrong too. Her son didn't eat properly and he was easily distracted. Finn himself noticed the lack of Rachel in his life because he couldn't get his assignments done. Not just because he wasn't smart enough to do it without her, but also because whenever he sat down to do a task, he kept thinking of her; what she was doing that particular moment? Was she thinking of him? Missing him as much as he missed her?

His sleep was also lacking Rachel. He kept having nightmares where she died before he had forgiven her, or worse; found someone else and continued hating Finn for the rest of her life. But he couldn't forgive her just like that. She had to realize he had his principles and he couldn't just expect to be forgiven for anything.

"Finn?" Kurt knocked on his door before entering "Your mother sent me to tell you dinner's ready"

"I'm not hungry" He said without taking his eyes away from the window.

Kurt entered his room without permission, which normally was a big deal, but Finn didn't care right now.

"I don't know what happened between Rachel and you…" He started. Of course he would know all about it from the Glee club "but no woman, or man, is worth starving yourself over"

"Of course" Finn said in his ironic tone "you hate Rachel, so why would you care?"

"I don't hate her, I just find her annoying and irritating, but I know there's a really kind, nice and loving side to her too" He hadn't forgotten everything she did for him at sectionals yet, and yes, he had noticed that she was the first one to give him the standing ovation.

Finn looked at him.

"Yes, I know, I'm as surprised as you are, but please come down and eat something, or your mom is going to kill someone. She's really frustrated about you and doesn't know what she can do to get you to feel better"

Finn reluctantly got out of bed to go downstairs and poke in his food.

Nobody spoke particularly much during dinner. A few times they tried out having a conversation but they all came to a halt as soon as they came to Finn. He didn't speak at all.

After 15 minutes of useless poking around, he left the table, putting his things in the dishwasher. His mother thought of following him. Kurt, however, realized there would probably be a fight if she followed him, so he touched her arm and shook his head and she sat back down again.

"Finn?" Kurt knocked on the door and entered. Finn was sitting in his bed again, the exact same position that Kurt had found him in before dinner.

Finn sighed.

"Kurt, I'm sorry, but I'm not in the mood to talk right now" He said, again, not even looking at his brother.

"Too bad, Finn, because I am" He sat down in front of him "I want to know what happened between you and Rachel so you can move on, because this is unacceptable"

Finn didn't speak at first.

"If you won't tell me, I'll be forced to make my own assumptions. Assumption number 1) Rachel dumped you" He started "Assumption number 2) Rachel is now dating someone else. Which deduces down to my assumption 3) you're upset because Rachel is dating someone else"

Finn flinched a bit, but remained silent.

"Am I on the right track?"

He shook his head.

"Okay, assumption 1) Jesse's back" he continued "Assumption 2) Rachel ki…"

"Fine, I'll tell you" Just the thought of Jesse made him want to punch something, and the thought of Rachel doing anything but punch him made Finn want to throw his desk out his window.

He sat down and told him the whole story; Santana's bullying, Rachel's childish behavior, Puck and the kiss.

Kurt listened and didn't try to put in his own comments every now and again. Not that that opportunity presented itself, as Finn barely took pauses to breathe.

When he was finally looking at Kurt, after about 15 minutes of insane rambling, he had that puppy-look on his face and Kurt really felt like giving him a hug. However, as Kurt realized this might be frowned upon, he quickly discarded this idea and instead settled for giving him some advice.

"Have you told Rachel any of this?"

He shook his head.

"Have you let her explain herself properly?" he asked. He was sure Finn hadn't, but he asked anyway. Finn was part of the group that usually reacts before hearing every angle of something.

He shook his head again in response to Kurt's question.

"Maybe you should" He suggested. He couldn't for the life of him figure out why he was doing this, but maybe he was trying to repay Rachel for Sectionals. If he had been her, Kurt would have wanted to know everything Finn had told him just now.

Finn nodded and grabbed his jacket.

"I'm going out" he announced to Kurt who was partly in shock.

"I thought more like over the phone" He said as he followed Finn down the stairs.

"I'm going out" he told the adults sitting in the living room before walking out the door.

"What was all that about?" Finns mother asked.

"Love" Kurt answered, whereupon he sighed and sat down next to her in the sofa.

Rachel's house was a 15-minute walk from his house. Normally he would have driven, but he needed some air and time to think. He was being foolish for just going to her house. He really shouldn't have, but he had to admit that Kurt was right. No matter how much he despised Rachel's actions, she should know how he felt.

The snow started to fall as he walked. It was dark outside and he knew he didn't have very long until he was at Rachel's so he had to figure out the best way to converse with her. Going up to her door and ringing it wouldn't be the best option. She had her parents, whom he'd rather not have asking questions about him being there since she no doubt told her parents that he had broken her heart, and it would also be the perfect place to close the door in his face. No, they needed to both want this.

He came to her house and saw that the lights were off in her room. Maybe she wasn't home. Maybe he should have called her. It would have been better, he realized now in hindsight. Coming had clearly been a waste of time.

He decided to send her a text, where he asked her to call him when she had the chance.

Rachel was sitting by the open fire in her family's living room (though the fire was slowly dying), reading her book. Her fathers had gone away for the weekend, leaving her alone in the house. She couldn't focus properly though. She missed him. How he used to watch her when she read. How he would read over her shoulder and ask what certain words meant. A buzz from her phone made her jump a bit, but not too bad. She got out her phone and saw a text message from Finn. She didn't want to read it, but something told her she should.

She read it. He wanted to talk. She was to call him. So she did. Not even a complete signal got through before he answered.

"Hello?" He answered, trying to conceal his nervousness. He was starting to doubt Kurt's bright idea.

"What do you want?" The tone of sadness in her voice didn't escape him.

"We need to talk" He said and sat down on the brick wall that represented the fence.

"About what?"

"You know what" he replied quietly.

"If you're going to inform me about how much my actions hurt you, you can save your breath" she said coolly.

"That's not all. I think we both should have the chance to speak"

The phone went quiet.

"I'll start" He offered and she sighed but other than that remained silent.

He tried to come up with a good way to start the conversation. He didn't want Rachel to hate him more than she already did.

"When you…did what you did…" he started "That hurt. A lot. And not just because you cheated on me, but because you did it with him. After what he did. I don't know if you can understand how much it hurt"

"I do, okay? You did it to me, remember? And this is just as much about with whom rather than the fact that it happened as my situation was"

"But you were with me. I wasn't with you when I did it"

"But I didn't sleep with someone and then lied about it. I kissed Puck and I told you about it"

"Yes, exactly! You kissed him!"

"It was the only way I knew how!"

"How to what? Make me feel like a loser? Like a joke?"

"That's how you made me feel" She said quietly. She realized the tears weren't far away now "You made me feel like I didn't matter. You made me feel like I was worthless, replaceable" and with those words, the tears started rolling down her cheek.

"But why can't you understand that that was the reason I didn't want to tell you? That I lied to keep you happy, because your happiness is the most important thing to me"

"But how is that fair? I would probably be unhappy for a little while, and then gotten past it, but you had to go and lie about it and instead I'm miserable!"

"But how was I supposed to know that?" he almost yelled "I thought that if you found out, you would break up with me, and I love you too much for that. Still. Despite what happened"

"What?" She said, the tears still running.

"I said I love you"

*Click* The phone went dead.

"Hello?" He said in to the dead air.

"Why didn't you just tell me that?" She said in a half-hurt, half-exhausted voice.

Finn spun around to see where the voice had come from, and found that Rachel was standing in a tank-top and pajama-shorts by the door of her house.

"Because I needed time to realize it, I guess. I'm not as smart as you, you know"

He walked up to her.

"I'm sorry" he said and looked at her.

"No, I'm sorry" She apologized "I admit that I acted foolishly, and that such a behavior is not to be expected by someone my age. I confess that I was blinded by anger and acted on an impulse, but that is really no excuse for what happened, and you're right. I wasn't with you when the whole Santana…" He stopped her by placing a finger on her lips.

"Let's just forget it, and never mention it again?" He asked.

"Good idea" She said and started running her hands up and down her arms. It was freezing outside, she realized. Why hadn't she put a coat on or something?

"So are we still together?" He asked.

She thought about it for a moment, and then she nodded.

"Good" he kissed her "I love you"

"I love you too" she said and let him in to the house. She gently closed the door behind her as he took off his coat. "So…" she started "my dads are away for the weekend" she said when he looked around to try and spot them.

"Really?"

"Yeah…" She was looking for words now. She started walking up the stairs. The fire was extinguished and she figured she'd clean it out in the morning. Finn didn't ask any questions, but followed her up to her room.

"So, I had already figured out what to get you for Christmas" she said "before the whole Santana-incident"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, and if you want, you can have your present early" she said and smiled.

"Awesome" He replied.

"Good. Why don't you close the door" She said and started to take off her tank-top.

**Hope you liked it :) **


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